The Chronicles of Sweets Magee, Vol. 7

And that's a picture wrap on Sweets Magee!!

Sadly, my time assisting SM has come to an end, but it was a great, nay, fantastic final week and this has been one of the best experiences of my life.

Sunday night I had e-mailed SM to propose that I stay behind in the morning and pack up a bunch of her stuff to mail home, then just hitch a ride with the first person to head to set (still way out on Long Island) from the Production Offices. This was also a pathetic attempt to get out of waking up at 4am to be downtown by 5am which was her pickup time. No luck. Did you know that bodegas aren't even open that early in the morning? 5am sharp I show up at her place and she looks at me confused and goes "oh, you didn't get my e-mail?" Yet another reason why I need my own laptop or a blackberry, so I don't keep missing Sweets Magee's e-mails. I started packing up the mounds of clothes she has and I'm sure this isn't a shock to anyone but as I was neatly folding all of her belongings I learned first hand that she's got some gorgeous clothes. Sick as this may be, once I discovered we had almost the same shoe size (we're a 1/2 size off), I totally tried on some of her footwear. Yep, that is totally gross, but let's blame it on sleep deprivation.

At around lunch time I headed out to set with H, the wardrobe designer/Hipster's girlfriend, and we had such a fun time gossiping and rocking out to music. We were shooting driving exteriors all afternoon with Sweets behind the wheel of a Maserati so I just kind of hung out in her trailer until it was time for a coffee run. If there is coffee, I will spill it. The hair and makeup girls drove to Starbucks with me and I made it all the way back to set holding a tray in my right hand with three cappuccinos, a regular brew, and a doppio cup wedged in the middle, and a venti iced coffee in my left hand. Of course we hit a pothole and the piping hot regular brew seemed to shoot up out of the mouthpiece and land right in my crotch. I hid in the trailer the rest of the day because I was no longer pretty.

Roe was getting sick and had taken nyquil or something along those lines so I drove her, Slick and Sweets back to the city. Everyone was so excited to wrap early (around 6pm) since we've been working such late nights, and we all planned on going home right away to get some rest. When we got back to the production offices we parked across the street and in front of the giant FedEx. It's a no parking zone, but with permits from the Mayor's Office, which all of the production vehicles have, we're allowed to park there. We go upstairs and I'm waiting for Magoo to get back with the car she's driving because in a rushed attempt to make sure I didn't miss H when she left for set, I left all of Sweet's boxes in the car knowing that they'd either be brought upstairs, or locked in there all day.

Magoo gets back around 8:00pm and I head downstairs to meet her and take the 7-count them-7 decently sized boxes across the street to FedEx. Tootsie had walked Roe down with some stuff to put in the minivan to take to set the next morning. The four of us walk out of the building and Magoo and I veer to the right while Tootsie and Roe just stand there. Then Roe goes "um, C, where did we park the van?" and I point to the spot where we left it, saying "right ther..." but all that's there is empty street. Oh holy jesus. The van has been towed. Roe is too doped up on cold medicine to fully comprehend what this means and Magoo and I are in mid lift of two heavy boxes just kind of staring at each other like what the hell do we do? Tootsie and Roe go back upstairs to find out where it was towed and Magoo and I resume our FedEx mission because I need to get these boxes out of my life.

The gentleman at FedEx carefully watched us carry each and every box into his shipment center and place them in the corner. The bastard waited until we had carried the final box in before asking if we were shipping those "ground." Yes, why do you ask? "Oh we stop shipping ground at 8pm." You've got to be joking me. They couldn't even process them at that time and just ship them the next day, oh no, Magoo and I had to go back upstairs to get the hand truck to bring all of the boxes up to the production offices. What was really the icing on the cake was that the freight elevator had been locked for the night, so Maegan and I had to roll them over to the front door, carry each box up the four or five stairs the main lobby has to offer, put them back on the hand cart, and then get in the elevator. A great workout, but unbelievably annoying.

Tootsie found out that the minivan had been taken to the tow pound on 38th and 12th Avenue, formerly Hell's Kitchen before it was cleaned up, and literally on the West Side Highway. We told Roe to just go home because she was of no use to us in her state, and Magoo had to walk Hipster's dogs one last time so she left too. It was up to Tootsie and I to save the day and get the minivan back in time to pick up Slick and Sweets the next morning. We left the production offices around 8:30pm, drove over to the tow pound, and discovered that appropriately, the tow pound offers no parking for those trying to redeem their vehicles. You have to park along a "waiting strip" across the highway, where someone has to stay in the vehicle at all times and then the other person runs-and I'm not joking, even though there is a traffic light you have to run across the highway-inside and get your car.

At first neither of us wanted to wait alone so we put on Tootsie's headlights and hazzards to try to fool anyone patrolling and booked it across the highway. When we walked into the offices and saw a good ten people ahead of us, it became clear that this wasn't going to be an "in and out" type of situation, even late on a monday night. I ran back to sit in the car and Tootsie kept me updated via text messages. At first they weren't going to let her take it because it was a rental car and her name wasn't on the agreement. She called the Office Manager and official name on the lease, and found out she had gone through this when H's rental car was towed and had all the paperwork/letter of authorization ready to fax over. Phew.

Not so fast, there were about four or five parking tickets on the van that various crew members had racked up during shooting, most of them could probably be cleared through the Mayor's Office, but to the tow pound a ticket is a ticket and they wanted to make Tootsie pay all of them. We also think this is the reason they towed us since we weren't in a tow zone. They must have called in the license plate and seen that it had tickets on it already. Tootsie didn't have enough money to do that so we had to call the Office Manager and tell her we can't get the van and are going to have to think of a new plan for picking up talent in the morning. The OM says we'll just have to use the office car which puts them at a disadvantage but what are you going to do? and as we're half way back to the office Tootsie realizes she left her driver's license at the tow pound. We swing back around and she runs in to grab it, and apparently the guy in charge took pity on her or something because he gave her the minivan back. Hooray, victory is ours!

It's 12:30am when we get back, Tootsie and I order a pizza and put it on the production office's bill, and after decompressing we head home. I take the minivan because it would have taken me an hour and a half to ride the subway at that time and I have to be up at 5:45am so I'm taking a chance that the people in our parking lot have left enough space for me to fit this time. Fortunately they did. The next morning Roe thanks me for taking care of everything and when Slick asks how our nights were and when I tell him what I ended up doing, he buys me coffee (probably to ensure I don't fall asleep while transporting him) which I definately needed.

All day long I felt like I had been hit by a mack truck, or run a marathon, or possibly even given birth to a child. I was sore and exhausted and had no will to live. I was kind of out of it for most of the day, definately wasn't chipper, and was falling asleep mid-sentence. Sweets wasn't having the greatest of times either since she was dealing with the aftermath of her ex-boyfriend telling the nation via a radio show, nothing but lies about their relationship.

At around 11pm Sweets thought she was done filming when they told her they wanted to try and squeeze one more scene in. She was still having a crummy day and just wanted to go home and we ended up not shooting that final scene but since Slick had to stay behind for some pickup shots this guy Chris drove Sweets and I, and Tori the crazy and annoying stand in back to the city. Sweets and I sat in the back and Tori propped herself so she was turned and ready to chat with us, but Sweets and I quickly put in our headphones because talking to her was the last thing we wanted to do. I don't say this to be cruel, I'm just not exaggerating when I tell you that this girl is mind-numbingly painful to converse with.

In an effort to cheer my girl up, I made her listen to David Brent's "Free Love Freeway" (because of course I have it on my iPod, the man's mug is on my phone for chrissakes). I could hear her laughing as she listened to it and she turned to me when it was over and said "thank you so much, that totally made my day." When we got back to Manhattan, Chris needed directions to Sweets' apt. and Sweets and I were forced to take our headphones out, leaving us vulnerable to Tori talk. The cringe factor came when we passed some building and she turns with a big smile on her face, points and goes "that's where my parents are right now!" Um, okay, that's like saying my friend lives in Union Square, or my aunts are sleeping in Jersey at this moment. She creeps me out.

Wednesday-our last day of shooting.

It was an unbelievably gorgeous day and it felt like the last day of school, where everyone can't wait to get all their finals over with and then party. I found it extremely satisfying when Mallory, the girl who chewed me out last week for no reason, was chewed out by the 1st Assistant Director, so karma...Sweets hadn't taken any photos this whole time so she asked me to wander around the set snapping away, which I was more than happy to do. She was so impressed with the pictures I took that she goes "you could have a second career!" I said "yeah, on my resume next to unemployment I can put set photographer." And she laughed but this didn't prompt the job conversation I was hoping for since I really wasn't joking.

Shamus, Hipster's fake assistant (he's this kid who came out of nowhere and knew Hipster sort of because he assisted on a film Hipster was in and has been trying to trump Magoo out of her job this whole shoot) was dispatched to get champagne for Slick and Sweets. During Slick's last shot Hipster said he just wanted to go one more take, even though we had it, then in the middle of the scene he ran up behind Slick with the champagne and wrap gifts. Slick screamed "I knew it!" and everyone cheered and laughed and had a gay ol' time. Slick's girlfriend was leaving early the next morning for a four month movie shoot in London and he was dying to get back to see her so they had another car on set to take him home. But before he left he saw me, exclaimed "C!" then gave me a big kiss on the cheek and a huge hug and thanked me for everything. I almost died.

Hipster did the same surprise attack for Sweets and I'm so glad that Tootsie and Magoo were on set to see it because they've been stuck either in the office or walking Hipster's dogs this whole time. I asked Sweets for a proper photo and she wrapped her arms around me in a generous hug while Tootsie took it. Naturally, the flash wasn't on and the lighting was too dark for the pic to come out, but at least I could take another one before she left.

Thursday night was the wrap party and what an event! It was at Phebe's on the lower east side because the original bar we had planned to have it at wanted more money at the last minute. The film editor had put together a sort of music video with outtakes and footage and set it to The Postal Service's "Such Great Heights." I hadn't seen a single stich of film this whole time and couldn't believe how truly amazing it looked. I really think this is going to turn out to be something great, and the script supervisor apparently told Hipster half way through filming that he had an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on his hands. Which in the independent film world, is enormous.

Everyone was having such a good time and around midnight Sweets was getting ready to take off, but I had my friend Sara ready to snap a photo of us since my mother would kill me if I worked nearly two months with Sweets Magee and didn't get some kind of proof other than a paparazzi photo where I'm looking down. The red eye reduction must have flashed so many times that it confused her, because the end result is an image where her head is kind of cocked to the side and she looks like a deer caught in headlights. Sara goes "be glad that you have a picture where you look way better than Sweets Magee."

I also wanted a photo with Slick and Hipster but didn't want to be too obvious about it. I was kind of hovering near them but backed off because I didn't want to be crazy stalker girl. I decided memory would have to suffice. A little later I turned around and Slick was right there and he goes "Hey!" then grabs me to give me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug, I guess this is how he's going to greet me from now on because we're totally chummy now. I quickly said "oh let's get a picture" and he goes "lets!" We chatted for a while and talked about his son and how great the film looked so far. He's just so damn cool. Everyone stayed until the bar closed and kicked us out and I ended up crashing at Magoo's because I had to be up at 10am to help Sweets get out of her apt.

Friday was incredibly hectic with all the running around and shortage in production vehicles. I ran some more stuff over to FedEx for her and when I came back there were all these gift bags set up. She's telling me who gets what because I have to deliver them and then points to this huge bag and says "this one's yours." I blushed and she goes "so if you want to open it now..." which of course I did. The first thing I pulled out was a little bag from Apple. What could this be? Oh, nothing, just a video iPod and an iTunes gift certificate. I think I said "oh my God" about five or six times because oh my God, she got me a video iPod. She also got me this lovely purse which I now carry everywhere with me, and she said she thought of me when she saw it, so go Sweets. There was a card inside that said "Dude, I can't even begin to thank you for being so helpful and amazing. I can only hope we do it again-PLEASE call me if you're ever in L.A. -SM"

I told her that I'm actually thinking of moving to L.A. at the end of the month and she goes "oh really?" Then when her car arrived to take her to the airport and I walked her down, she gives me a huge hug and says "you have to call me when you get to L.A." Per Magoo's advice, because the Set Designer told her that in this industry you have to be bold and tell people you're looking for work, I e-mailed Sweets' agent and manager to thank them for everything, let them know how much I enjoyed working with them, and also that I'm moving to L.A. and could they keep me in mind if they hear of any assistant positions (of course the actual e-mails were very well written). Sweets' manager, a higher up at the ultimate talent management company in Los Angeles, sent this response:

"I absolutely will and thank you for helping Sweets out so much. I think its pretty evident how she feels about you and we all appreciate your hard work. Please stay in touch and I will keep my feelers out there for you. Cheers..."

This naturally made me feel fantastic, and Hipster e-mailed me this the other day:

"Also, just another big THANK YOU for working so hard with us.
Hope this finds you well and at this point very rested.
XO,

I think more than anything, I'm just jazzed about working a job where everyone appreciated me. It's the best feeling ever.

Sweets has to be back in New York in a week to do press for her latest film and she e-mailed me to say we have to hang out when she's in town, so even though I don't have another job lined up at this very moment, it looks like I have a new friend.

I hope you all enjoyed the Chronicles of Sweets Magee, and until I have a new actor to take care of, be well.